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The Library

After the usual Malone Family rush to get everyone ready for the day, Jaz got Marnie's attention and asked for permission to travel to the library to work on her "school project". Marnie, frazzled as usual, said okay without really even listening, and Jaz quickly grabbed her backpack and left before she could change her mind.

Good thing she had remembered it was freezing in Willow Creek still, because there was snow everywhere around the library. Quickly, she headed inside, relieved to see several computers open.

She sat down, and immediately loaded up the typing practice program, dutifully working on her aspiration. But, as you often do when doing something particularly boring, her mind kept wandering. It was terribly hard to concentrate with so many other things she could be doing at a library this size.

Then, the conversation with Dr. Gemma popped into her head. And it wouldn't go away.

Checking to make sure nobody was watching, Jaz sounded out the big words Gemma had used. "Gen-der dis-for-i-a" she typed in a search bar.

Luckily, the search engine immediately corrected her misspelling, and she was given a large list of resources to look at. Browsing slowly, she read all the information she could find.

Before long, she found a site that described what that was in terms she could actually understand, and went on to talk about things like transgender and other alternate genders. The more she read, the more she was sure she wasn't really a "she". But Jaz didn't feel like a "he" either... Then, Jaz discovered "non-binary" and the different pronouns that people who didn't feel comfortable being lumped into either "boy" or "girl" could use. With her interest piqued, she followed some more links to articles in teen magazines about people of different gender associations.

Before long, she even found chat rooms devoted to discussing it, and sat watching the chat go past her screen for a while. She wasn't bold enough to actually talk, and was afraid to even sign up with a name nobody would guess was her... but reading couldn't hurt, right? There was so much to learn... and there was, apparently, a whole world full of other people who didn't feel like they fit into the "normal" genders. One she'd never even thought about possibly existing. All she knew .. was that she had never fit into what everyone said SHE was, and had never felt comfortable with it.

Then, from behind her, she heard a familiar taunting voice, "Oh look who decided she could show up in Willow Creek at the GOOD library and not get in trouble for it..!"

Jumping slightly, Jaz quickly closed all the web page windows she had opened and signed out of the computer. With relief, she saw that Billie had been too far away to see what Jaz had actually been looking at. Annoyed at the interruption, though, Jaz stood up angrily, ready to confront Billie once again.

She shoved Billie, and yelled at her that she had every right to work on a school project at the library.. that the library certainly wasn't Billie's.

"SHHH!!" warned a man playing chess, and Jaz looked over at him apologetically.

Billie, however, wasn't about to listen to anyone she didn't respect - and that pretty much covered everyone, apparently. Billie shoved back, and continued to berate Jaz for "being in a place she didn't belong in."

The librarian came over, physically separating the two youngsters, and emphasized that they needed to be quieter. Jaz went to sit at one of the computer tables, trying to get away from Billie, but Billie followed, hissing her insults. Jaz tried very hard to ignore her, but some of the words still hurt. Swallowing tears angrily, she stood up and went to another open computer.

She signed into the typing practice again, and got to work, trying to block out Billie. Eventually, Billie apparently got tired of taunting someone who wasn't responding in any way.. or maybe she just needed to get home, because Jaz suddenly found herself on her own. Taking a deep breath, she shook out the tension in her arms and got down to typing. With determination, she was able to finish her typing practice, as well as managing to post a high score on the computer for the typing game, which was also required for her aspiration.

Looking out the library window, she noticed that the sun had already gone down, and she quickly packed up and caught one of the last buses back to Oasis Springs. Nobody seem to even notice she'd been gone. Typical. Sighing, she put away her backpack and winter clothes, and headed downstairs to go to bed. School was tomorrow, and she had SO much she wanted to talk to Colin about. Mind whirling, it was a while before the calming light of her nightlight lulled her to sleep.

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